We went to the pedi today. They are doing awesome! Macie was 13 lbs 8 oz 34 1/2 inches long and Layne is 13 lbs 25 inches long. So they are still shrimps but they are growing. We are going to start rice cereal the add oatmeal in a week, and slowly add fruits and veggies. Really smelly poop here we come! Macie rolled over yesterday too for the first time. SO CUTE! She gets so pissed right before then does it and smiles. Layne has done it, but he head is still out of proportion so he is not quite as agile yet.
I saw the OB too, I am throwing little cysts and no AF...so we are going to do BCP and just start it in two weeks if nothing. I am betting on nothing. Oh after a pg test. Yeah right. If there was a BFP is would be a BF MC in a hurry. We talked about that and there is little chance of me ever carrying again. There is a chance, but I doubt it. SHe said that is a huge part of my PPD. I have to come to terms with it. Infertility is one thing, I can jump through hoops to get pg, but staying pg is a whole new ball game. Now that has been taken away from me. THis is a whole new kind of loss. Sucks, but I know that it would be selfish to try and lose one after another. I won't do that to myself or Derrick. She also said since I had mild accreta it was not such a hot plan, that gets worse everytime and redheads bleed worse. Fun stuff. I am supposed to eat better, go outside and start working out. Things I need to do anyway, but those will help. If I don't feel better call. I guess this is super common with IF women. We get everything we worked so hard for and get PPD, doesn't seem fair does it. I wonder sometimes if it has to do with that. Think about it, we have jacked our bodies up on all sortsa crap and then had the pg hormones. That and we have to go through a process that we never thought could happen to us. When it does it is wonderful, then we get our miracles. Through all of that my DH felt like a sperm donor until they were here. Now he is not sure where he fits, he is adjusting to the role of daddy, hubby, etc. I am having a hard time letting go and letting him flail a bit. SO we bicker and that adds to the PPD. It is a vicious cycle of icko. So I am going to make a huge effort to do what I need to and we need to do a date night every two weeks. We have too, dr. said so. I feel better talking to her, because she has been there. She is IF and can't have any more. She understands and I love that. My nurse does too. Funny of IF women seek each other out for total comfort. I would rather hang out with my computer friends most of the time than my real ones. My real ones just don't get it.
Alas, I am avoiding Plum Bun again, so I am off to write one more paragraph!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Long time no talk, gotta get better about it!
So I suck and have been busy. It seems like I never have time for anything. I just finished a pretty final draft of one paper and am pumped. That is after all why Liz is here all summer. So I am going to work on another one, I need 8 more pages and have more that enough for that. I just have to get my thoughts in order. Right now they are way out.
THe kiddos are getting over the runs/cold thing from the other day. We did a whole day of pedialyte and they seem to be feeling better. Still a little fussy, but no temp or runs. They are eating better again to which makes me happy.
The weather I am done with, I am tired of tornadoes and we haven't had any for a few days.
Our anniversary was Wednesday, and we went to town to eat. Derrick thought he was going to have to bale hay, but not so much. Otherwise we would have gone somewhere else. So we walk into the bar and the chick he screwed while we were split up 7 years ago is sitting there with her husband. I should have made him leave. I didn't say anything and we sat on the other side at a booth. I of course like an idiot sat facing her. He informed me about 10 minutes later that she was there and I said I know. If it would have been my screw up we would have left. I thought I was doing good with accepting it and all that, but guess not. I know it happend and I can't change that. Doesn't stop me from hating the bitch, since she still tried to do shit after we got back together. She tried not long after we were married too. I might make a vodoo doll of her...Anyway they left and she had the nerve to wave. I almost got up and broke her damn hand off. Thing is I like her hubby. He is nice and has no clue to what extent she is a tramp and whores around. Needless to say it put me in a funk. THen of course I start reading too much into everything. He was to tired to FD, so that bothered me, was he thinking about her? He did say she was ugly and he hated her, but was that for my benefit? I know I am stupid for this but that is the way my mind works. Derrick is the only man that has never cheated on me. Yes he can be a huge ass sometimes, but he is faithful and always will be. I know that, but those scars from years past are still there and have warped me. I hate that, but it happens. I have issues and I know it...but I will work on them later
I finally called the Dr. Either I ovulated (yeah right) or I have a big ol cyst happening on my right side. I decided that since they won't let me donate since I live out of state (I might try again and use mom's address) I am going back on BCP. Once again here we are CD 33 and nada. I want to discuss that and maybe the PPD that is creeping up. It makes sense considering the year I have had. Great in someways, but terrible in some too. I better go and get some work done. If I can get what I have read, maybe I can write a little more this afternoon.
THe kiddos are getting over the runs/cold thing from the other day. We did a whole day of pedialyte and they seem to be feeling better. Still a little fussy, but no temp or runs. They are eating better again to which makes me happy.
The weather I am done with, I am tired of tornadoes and we haven't had any for a few days.
Our anniversary was Wednesday, and we went to town to eat. Derrick thought he was going to have to bale hay, but not so much. Otherwise we would have gone somewhere else. So we walk into the bar and the chick he screwed while we were split up 7 years ago is sitting there with her husband. I should have made him leave. I didn't say anything and we sat on the other side at a booth. I of course like an idiot sat facing her. He informed me about 10 minutes later that she was there and I said I know. If it would have been my screw up we would have left. I thought I was doing good with accepting it and all that, but guess not. I know it happend and I can't change that. Doesn't stop me from hating the bitch, since she still tried to do shit after we got back together. She tried not long after we were married too. I might make a vodoo doll of her...Anyway they left and she had the nerve to wave. I almost got up and broke her damn hand off. Thing is I like her hubby. He is nice and has no clue to what extent she is a tramp and whores around. Needless to say it put me in a funk. THen of course I start reading too much into everything. He was to tired to FD, so that bothered me, was he thinking about her? He did say she was ugly and he hated her, but was that for my benefit? I know I am stupid for this but that is the way my mind works. Derrick is the only man that has never cheated on me. Yes he can be a huge ass sometimes, but he is faithful and always will be. I know that, but those scars from years past are still there and have warped me. I hate that, but it happens. I have issues and I know it...but I will work on them later
I finally called the Dr. Either I ovulated (yeah right) or I have a big ol cyst happening on my right side. I decided that since they won't let me donate since I live out of state (I might try again and use mom's address) I am going back on BCP. Once again here we are CD 33 and nada. I want to discuss that and maybe the PPD that is creeping up. It makes sense considering the year I have had. Great in someways, but terrible in some too. I better go and get some work done. If I can get what I have read, maybe I can write a little more this afternoon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
