I know having kids changes everything. But I am not sure why it has changed everything for me and nothing for him. I love him to death don't get me wrong. I feel like an idiot. When I was pg, I bragged about how he wouldn't go into the shop when he got home to have beer or the bar. Now I look like a moron. Every night he goes in still. I feel so stupid. He whines about missing his kids (never me mind you), then has to go and do that before he comes home. He called last night at 7 and both babies were screaming bloody murder and he said he would be there in a bit with a pizza. It was 8:45. That is not a bit, oh and he ate his pizza at the bar. So then I really feel like I am not wanted. The night before we was late, because he got unloaded way late and then on his way home had to stop and have a beer. Seriously. I don't know what to do, or what to say. I know if I say something there will be a huge blow up. He is so stressed out about everything. When he does come home he wants to shower, eat and sleep. I feel like a single parent. I sometimes think I might as well be. Maybe I should have left in August. Maybe then I wouldn't be feeling like this. He is still hung up on some of that shit. To top it off the dude came into the shop last night. Which sets him off. I am at a total loss. I know he loves me and loves his family. I just want him to want to come home when he gets off, and not want to go into the shop. I feel dejected. I feel fat, ugly, and lost. I think maybe I have a little bit of PPD. Which with everything that happened in the last year wouldn't suprise me in the least. This month is hard too. The boys have been gone for almost a year. It still makes me cry like a baby. I am just struggling. So is he, but we are at opposite ends. I don't feel sexy or wanted. Oh to top it all off there is a girl in town that is a friend of his, personally I think she is a skanky bitch. But they have talked a few times and now I am really feeling inadequate. I hate this.
I talked to my dad last night and we are going to have to put my husky dog down. She is almost 17, which is amazing for a husky. But I have had her since I was 11 and she is awesome. Hard headed, but beautiful. I asked for them to wait until I get home. I want to go. He hasn't taken her in yet, but it is coming. Here is a pic of my Winter dog.
3 comments:
Hugs, honey. I know there's a lot going on right now, but try to pick a moment and talk honestly but not accusingly at him.
Hugs to you. I'm sorry he's not there for you when you need him. Go ahead and talk to your doctor about PPD. Once it's out, and you get help, you'll feel at least a little better, and it may help you to deal with your hubby.
So sorry dear your having a rough time.. :( i hope things have gotten better since your post ? it could be just an adjustment period for him as well for you? maybe he is just dealing in a different way? i hope your talk goes (went) well... i agree with PP maybe talk to your Dr about the PPD who knows but he will tell you. you have had a rough year for sure.. maybe talking wtih someone may help too. Big hugs to you girl!! hope to see you soon!?
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