Enough is enough...

And I think I have reached my enough point. We are at a turning point with the stupid lawsuit and I am to the point that I can't handle it anymore. I am tired. I have done everything I can and it looks like we are going to have to settle. FML... Stupid fucking asshole is going to get money simply because...fuck him. I am pissed and I have every right to be. I hope he goes back to jail and misses the birth of his kid. Why can that fucker have kids and it is so easy for a piece of shit to fuck over hardworking people? I am sick of it...if you don't want to work fuck you. Get off your fat lazy ass and get a fucking job. You are a truck driver, you don't have to haul cattle or grain, haul a van and you can sit and do little. At least you are working. Maybe my retribution for all of this is that we settle and the fucker goes back to jail and some guy named Bubba makes him his bitch. I can hope karma works that way. All said and done we are going to pay out about $45000. Which is better than it could be. I have to keep that positive idea going for talking to Derrick. We settle and get off now, with no future anything or we are stuck with the fuckers medical bills forever. NO! This is what I want to know, why did our first attorney not propose a settlement when we asked him to in December. This could have been minimized if he had. I like our guy now and he is on vacation and still working on this. Thanks to him.

My rant is over...I just had to get that all out before Derrick gets here and I have to be the rational one...yikes!

Ready for cooties to leave!

So here's to hoping we have daycare tomorrow and that we can go. Almost all the hand foot and mouth blisters are healed. Macie just has a few icky ones left that look like they are going to scab today. We had a busy morning. Made it to the bank and went to Colby to see Aunt Mary and get haircuts. We trimmed Macie's bangs and she looks so cute! I have a baby pic of me and she looks a whole lot like it. Layne looks like such a big boy with his hair cut. Then of course they got suckers...they love their Aunt Mary. I know there are few subs that can be called if I have to be home again. Over my dead body is the other Aunt watching them. That is all I need is to hear about how we just had to have her home after 6 weeks in Wichita. Yuck. You know Derrick, I, Gma and Gpa are just lost without her, and I thought we did freaking awesome. Oh wait, we did do awesome. The kids love Gma and Gpa J. They get so happy when they get to go down there or they are up here. So cute.

We made cookies this weekend, and that is going to be fun at Christmas too! We are still trying to decide what to do for the holidays. I want to go to CO for Christmas and stay here for Thanksgiving. We will see. It all depends on his sister. I am sure that since it is her son's first Christmas she will want to do something with her family. Then again maybe not. She got married Saturday and Liz says it was an event. All about Dianne which is how she likes it. Liz was ready to barf. Liz is supposed to be coming out soon, hopefully the 27th. WHich I need her too because I have conferences that week and she needs to be here to help put the kids down! That is how I am going to work this so she can come out before her parents! YAY me!

Alright I had better clean up the kitchen and do what needs to be done before we are up from our nap!

Is it Christmas yet?

It is barely the middle of September and I am ready for Christmas. That is a bad sign. I am tired and sick of disrepectful students. There are few things that I expect, and respect is one of them. Here is the deal....I told a female student this morning not to chomp her gum in my room or she could spit it out. She came back in after class, told me that was a dick move and not ladylike...then spit it on the floor. WTF! The first part would not really have bothered me, but the spitting on the floor....are you kidding...that pisses me off. Chewing gum like a cow is a pet peeve of mine...drives me nuts. If you have a problem with my rules, tough shit. You can give me your view, but keep your attitude to yourself. I have plenty of my own and will dish it out in a heartbeat and I can be way nasty if necessary. I am still so pissed...then I am pissed at myself for being so pissed. It has just been a week..

Monday I cut my finger open making dinner, Macie bit a little boy at daycare too. Tuesday Macie bit her lip open. I had a way long meeting Tuesday night too. Last night was fine. I am just exhausted and I don't know why. This morning AF showed up. That might have a lot to do with it. I decided that I deserve unhealthy stuff for lunch....I am getting chinese.

We are going to Colorado for the weekend. I am going shopping. That will help me feel better too! I am just in the dumps and I don't have a clue why. I need to get away for a while. I have an appt on Monday with Dr. S to talk about all of my results and stuff. Anything that has to do with my IF gets me all nuts too. There is just too much going on.

Back to school...

I went back to work last week...btw my classroom has no air conditioning and no window. It is hot. So while I do understand the need for cool clothing, when did it become alright for freshmen and sophomore girls to have their boobs almost falling about and shorts short enough that I swear their who who is gonna fall out. I think we have a few that need to hear my "no boob, no ass cheeks" spiel. Did their parents see them before they left the house? I think no, because my daughter would have had to change, and her dad would have shit a brick. Then I want to know when freshman got so much attitude. I can take attitude from boys, but the girls and I end up tangling, and they lose. Pretty sure they think they are the toughest little thing going...enter J. I don't put up with their shit. That and I have more than enough attitude to pretty well smash whatever they try to throw out there. I learned how to be a royal bitch many moons ago. It might have something to do with having no sisters, putting up with cheerleaders, and coaching girls sports. It just makes me want to flick them in the head. I just can't wrap my head around it...

Things here are good. The kids are growing like weeds. They are little kids now, my babies are growing up. They are busy, and the transition back to daycare, one nap a day has been sheer hell. They have been super cranky, and up at 6:00ish every morning this week. Derrick had to drive this week, so I am on my own. It has been a trip. They are way tougher to do alone now that they have major opinions of their own.

Other than that not a whole lot going on!

Still infected!

Layne still has a ear infection. He is on Zithro, and he sees the ENT Tuesday. My dad has the day off, so he is coming out to get them and bring them to me. Friday was interesting. Super aunt wanted to come to the Dr. with us. I told her I didn't need help and that we were fine. After all I am their mother. She is on my last nerve. Which lately isn't that hard to do. We were home for like 5 minutes and she was here asking questions. NONE OF YOU BUSINESS!

Macie has learned to army crawl. It is so cute. Friday monring Derrick said she got into the diapers and drug them all over their room...hehe! We are supposed to be going to a birthday party, but they are still asleep. We did not get a good nap this morning, and didn't go down until 2:15ish. So I am going to go get them in a minute and take them over there. It will be fun...I hope!

Wounds that run deep leave big ugly scars....

I always thought that once I had kids my resentments towards the fertile would subside. Guess not. I know there is nothing I can do about those that concieve without meaning to, trying, or easily. I know that me resententing them is just hurting me and it is something that I need to work through and work on. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am not sure if I can have more kids. IVF or otherwise. Maybe it has to do with me just being mean. Whatever it is, it is something that is eating me. I hate it just as much as I hate the situation. I want to scream, cry, run away, and at the same time I feel so quilty for all of these feelings. I feel like it is somehow my fault that we have shut her out of our life.

Derrick's sister is pg. I might have mentioned that. The one that hates me and is a royal bitch. She is not married, has not been using bc. She doesn't even live with the guy, well yet. She is over 4 months pg and just found out. So this means that she was ku when we were in Wichita in July, and she had 2 margaritas..maybe this is another problem I have. So this is my wonder, how in the fuck do you not realize you are pg? I have never been lucky enough to just get that way...but even if I were, and even with my PCO and screwy cycles, I think I would notice something! She told her mom she has been drinking, but never drunk. So what happens if this baby (a boy) is a special needs kid? Is she going to handle that, or is she going to get even more bitch and hate me more because my kids are not? Because I took care of myself? She didn't even have the guts to call and tell her brother. I told mine. I wish I could be happy for her, and I wish we had a decent relationship. My kids are going to have a cousin that they will never know. That hurts. DH's parents will be forced to choose forever. There will be no family Christmas in Wichita if she is there. I feel like I should have kept my fat mouth shut in July. I should have just stuffed it.

Then I think that my MIL should have said something years ago. Don't baby her and make excuses, that just enables the situation. Which is what has been done, we have all been expected to walk on glass to keep the peace and she can behave however she pleases. I have some deep resentments for a lot of things. If that were me and I was behaving that way, pretty sure my parents would have slaughtered me, even at the age of 28. I would have gotten my ear pulled off and my ass chewed. But I digress. I have issues, I don't know what to do about them. I can write, obviously and that is always good for me. I can't talk to anyone in my family. I talked to my dad, and he gave me the advice I knew was coming, work my 12 steps (he has been sober 18 years) and turn it over to God. I am trying, but am totally stuck on the first step, and I am sure I will be stuck again on the fourth. Always happens. I know if I do it I will feel better and it will help. I just have to do it.

Another ear infection...

This is the third for Layne in a month. I had them check Macie's ears at Urgent Care yesterday and they were good, but now she is kinda tugging at her right. Seriously. I have to take the kids to the pedi on Halloween for their flu shots, and they have an appt to discuss tubes in Layne's ears. I didn't care for the urgent care doc yesterday. In retrospect, I might have taken my chances with the ER. No, take that back, I hate the ER. So, I am not so happy about that. Poor kids inherited their parents shitty ears.

Other than that it is beautiful here, and I am going to transplant some stuff this evening. Derricks aunt is getting an addition, which is shit because she doesn't do anything around here but make more work for Gpa. Whatever. She annoys the hell outta me. But I have some stuff planted where it is going, like the daisies for Gpa Sipps funeral, and I will rip her head off if she destroys them. Derrick is working on cleaning up the huge ass wood pile by the road. It is ugly and we are trying to clean stuff up so it look presentable around here. Other than that it is back to work Monday! ICK