THis is going to be a shitty week, and a shitty holiday season...

The nursing home called last night at 11:15 and told us Gram had collapsed and her O2 sats were 40 when they got her up to the potty, and took like 10 minutes to get up to 81. They told Mom that she was mottled, and death was imminent. So Dad woke me up and I threw on pants, and sweatshirt and mom's garden flip flops. We got there and couldn't get ahold of my aunt Patti, so Daddy had to go get her. Dad said she lost it when he got there, thank God for my Dad. He is being so wonderful through all of this. Gram of course knew something was up when all of her kids show up in tears and we all look like hell. I was the only grandkid there, which was fine. I sat there on the edge of her bed and did everything I could not to break down and sob. I did pretty good. I don't want her to see me cry. I am afraid that she won't let go and know that we are all okay if that happens. She kept touching my tummy and telling me she loved me. I told her how much I loved her and that it was alright to let go. SHe sorta fell asleep and I had to go. Mom forced me to go home about 1:45...Daddy had to bring me. She will fall asleep for a few minutes and wake up and want to go to the bathroom or something. She lost control of her bowels for the most part. Her radial pulse is impossible to find. I am scared she is afraid and all of the sudden wants to do anything she can to stay with us. SHe doesn't understand that not eating caused all of this, which make it that much harder for us. My cousin was there yesterday and that was alright. She is better than her older sister. I guess she asked mom and my aunts why Gram just couldn't wait until March when the babies are here. She got really upset about it. I have been asking that for months. This is not fair and it hurts like hell. I called at 7 and she was still doing the same awake, kinda sleep thing. I fell back asleep and now I am awake. My poor honey is in KC and is only staying cause I told him too. He really wants to fly out after the game tonight. I might have him. Of course I didn't have my head on Friday and have no sub plans and none of my rec letters done. I can do them here and email them. I am going to try to go home tonight and go to work for at least the am tomorrow. That way I can get the rest of the week planned. My brother was mad we didn't call him right away. He is really having a hard time, after the year in Iraq and everything he is not handling this. He told us he just doesn't have the tools and he is tired of dealing with death. Me too. I am going to go get dressed, hit starbucks and call Derrick. I really wish the babies would move big enough so Gram could feel them....