Tired, scared, sad.....

I am tired of waiting. No one gets it. Everyone around me tells me to be patient, things will happen. My house will get done, we will get pregnant, blah blah blah. I am ready to move into the new house. It is time. We wanted to be moved in before we had a baby, but we wanted to at least be pregnant. OH NO!!! THose that hate to be pregnant, don't want to be and turn into royal bitches get to be pregnant. What the hell. We have a beautiful new home with a ton of room and just the two of us and the cat. I guess she will get her own bedroom. To top it all off Derrick doesn''t seem to understand that certain things really bother me right now. Pregnant people, babies, and some of the things that he says. It is like I am supposed to be alright with everything and reasons for things. Some things really hurt. I understand that friends are very important, they are to me as well. There are just certain people that I do not understand why they have to be so fucking stupid. I don't understand why he would rather hang out with them than me. I know I am depressed and I am boring. I am scared, and I don;t know how to explain that to him. I am scared of the needles, the side effects, the pain, and the chance that it won't work. I don't know if I can take that heartbreak.

On the up side, the snow stopped. Wahoo!!! We got a ton of stuff done on the house. The countertop guy is supposed to be there tommorrow. We still have a bit to go. Trim, carpet, tile, outlets, lights, all that fun stuff. Derrick wants to get all stainless steel appliances for the kitchen. OMG!!! We need furniture too. There is so much to do!!!! I am going to be nuts before this is all over.

New house pics!!!

DH feeding our cows~~~MOOO

My bathroom!!!! It is the queen's!!

One corner of my kitchen!! I have a ton of cabinet space!!!

Snowmobiling Pictures!!

DH and I warming up!!! It was so cold on Saturday, we had to take a break

It was snowing a whole lot Sunday. It made getting home very interesting!!!

Happy snow

This weekend was awesome. We had fun, got away, and I got to snowmobile. I hit a tree with my shoulder. Not fun. Oh well. It is supposed to snow here a ton tonight. I want it to, but I need to go to Denver for my appointment with the RE. I can't miss that. Dh is miserable with his teeth. He made me so mad last night. He will not listen to anything, and bitches that he hurts. Men can be so frustrating. He also thinks he has to play darts on Wednesday night when we need to be in Denver at 8:00 Thursday morning.
On the up side, my cabinents came in for the new house and they are getting hung. YAY, now if we could get the floors and trim done, we are there!!! I am so ready. I have so much to do before we move. I hate packing and moving. But it will be so worth it to have more room.

mumbo jumbo

I swear the next person that bitches about being pregnant is going to get slugged. If they don't want be pregnant, there are a million ways to prevent it. The next person that tells me I am young and I have my whole life to have kids is gonna get it too. PMS is talking big this week. I feel rotten, I want to go home and clean my house. I want my new house to be done. Oh and to top it all of my SIL calls to find out what the get my husband for Christmas. This is the same one that hates my guts. She is awful to me, until she needs something from me. Holidays there are so terrible. I have to hide who I am and not smack the shit out of her for being so nasty. I understand if she is jealous, but seriously. Yeah I have graduated college, got married, and started my master's, but I am 26 and she is 22. Some of that comes with age. Why be jealous of me? Or if she has to be, why treat me and everyone else around me like shit? It drives me nuts. It is a short drive right now. I am scared to death of so many things. IVF starts so soon. This was the last thing that was on my mind when we started the TTC thing. I was so sure that I would get pg so easy. 18 months later, nada. I don't even pee on things any more, it will never be positive with out help. I want to go home, curl up on the couch and watch TV with my hubby. No humping because of rag time. No humping this weekend, because we will be sharing a hotel room with friends. Unless the shower is an option.....Snowmobiling will make me feel better. I hope, I am not sure it can get worse. Well it can, but I pray it won't

Why is it that something comes along and you have

not a single fucking clue what to do withit? I was reading the local classifieds tonight, and there it was, an ad for assistant rec director. The job is like 30 miles closer to home, but I lose summers off and vacations. However, I get to run a pool (my love) and not have to deal with shithead high school kids and their parents. I love to teach, and it is awesome. I am halfway to my masters in English, and what in the hell business do I have being in recreation with a masters in English. ARGHHH> THis sucks ass. I want to be closer to home. I hate the drive, I am sick of the board attacking every good thing that we try to do. I just want to see my junior graduate. They were my first freshman. I love them so much. They are awesome. Oh I hate decisions. I want to be PG and if my IVF works, I will be off for 6 weeks anyway. This is terrible. I want to scream.... chill Dana, it will be fine. I have to believe that...it is the only way to stay sane.

What a week

So far this week sucks ass. DH had his wisdom teeth taken out Tueday. Before we ever left the house, I had some spotting. SO I am sitting there and I say out loud, "you have to be kidding me", Derrick comes running into the bathroom. "Is it positive?" comes out of his mouth, and I want to cry. I tell him that I am pretty sure that I am going to start bleeding today, despite the fact that there was no O this month. We get home from the dr. I get him settled and give him so pain meds, and AF shows up loud and bitchy. I hate that feeling, and I know that nothing is going to happen without help, and it still sucks everytime it happens. Derrick was pretty much out of it all day. Later we watched a movie and went to sleep. Then this morning, I am driving to work, knowing that I should have taken the morning off to make sure he was alright, and BAM, fucking deer hits the side of my car. I have to have it fixed. I can't get out of the driver's side. I just got this car in March and it is pretty new. I cried because it was a girl deer and I was sure it was a mommy, and anything with mommies pretty fucks me up. Then I cried because I was scared. Derrick could care less about the car, he is just glad that I am alright. At least I can go snowmobiling once this year, before I stim and am not allowed. Is it break yet?