So many things to be mad at/sick of...

The list is HUGE. Let's start with money. I am tired of working my ass off for damn near nothing. So I knew when I decided to become a teacher that I would not make much, but seriously. I also knew that marrying a farmer would be tough, but this tough, I had no clue. I love him very much. I will and have always stood beside him no matter what but the man has got to go back to work. I understand that hauling hay is impossible with this weather, but he has a friend that told him to come and work for him. So this is how this works, he doesn't want to do construction again. Sometimes you have to pick shit with the chickens. I do a bunch of things that I don't want to do. So I told him to call my friend's dad that owns a trucking company. At least then some money would be coming in. He wants to sell the Harley. I understand that we REALLY need some money. Especially since we have to pay up front for IVF in a very short amount of time, but I love that bike. So we are selling the boat, his dirt bike, we sold my horse and most likely the hot tub. We never use the dumb thing anyway, so I am going to sell it. If we want one later great we can get one. So that will help us out a little. I am tired of money going out and not coming in. Then he keeps acting like he does not want to do this IVF right now. I am not waiting. Period. We planned this. I know my choices are baby or the Harley. I hate that, but I am choosing a baby. I am also tired of the attitude that I am getting from home. I am tired of getting my head ripped off every time I say anything. I call and he is cranky everything makes him cranky. I am trying to do everything right and all he can do it bitch. Oh but he can bitch at me and about me, but it is not supposed to be a two way street. If I have to tighten my belt money wise and everything else, so does he. I have no energy. I am taxed out all over the place. I want to go home and sleep, but I can't freaking sleep. My mind has way too much on it.

V day!!

Valentine's Day is dumb. What is the point? I guess celebrating love is great, but shouldn't you do it everyday? Whatever. Derrick had bad dreams again last night. I am tired of them. They are unfounded and stupid. I would never do anything to hurt him. Neither one of us has slept worth a crap since we moved. It is too quiet in there. I have to go and get a fan from the old house. I think it is just so much different than what we were used to and the routine that we had. I really need some sleep. I feel crappy. I am making Fondue tonight and then we are going to hang up some things on the walls. We are also going to put some more furniture in the living room. It is so naked in the house and I think that is part of the sleeping problem. I found a place to order blinds that I can make payments too. I just need to have them in my bedroom and bathroom for now. That would help. AF started yesterday morning and I feel kinda yucky. I called the RE and they ordered my meds. Mom is going to let us use her card and pay her back later. We are really hurting for money right now. Derrick has not worked since before the storm. He is calling a place today to see if he can drive for them. He has to do something. We got our total loan from GPA. $147,000. HOly crap!! So I told Derrick that we are paying $1000 a month to the whole thing. That is the minimum. At least $500 to the house and the rest to everything else. Money sucks. I want to do something that makes more. More later....

I hate the cold...

It is freezing rain here again. I hate winter. I like the moisture, just why can't it not snow or ice the roads. I had to stay in MC last night because I had to be at a basketball game. I have another one tonight. I am going home though. I want to sleep in my own bed with my honey. I also want to pack some stuff. The list of things that I am sick of and getting sick of is growing. I am sick to death of pregnant people that act like they deserve something special because they are pregnant. No you don't. You are pregnant. It is not a disease or a curse. Not everything in this whole world revolves around you and your growing belly. Do not make excuses for everything you do because you are pregnant. If I do this somebody please kick my ass. Still no AF. Not pregnant. I have peed on 2 sticks. Both very negative. I am calling the dr today. I am not waiting forever for her to get here. I have a feeling that I am on one of my crazy cycles. Which would make sense, because this is the time last year when they went all nuts. 65 days at this time last year. I am not doing that. No fucking way. I think I need coffee. That would help my mood. I hope. I am always in a bad mood when I stay away from Derrick and my cat. I have so much to do at home, and I have 4 more papers to write. I have to do them. They have to be done by May 1st. I better get my ass is gear. I have one almost done. I am going to finish it next week. Then on the my drama paper, ww1, and finally my last one. Too bad I have to re-read two books huh. Oh well. My masters will be so worth it. I want to teach college. The local junior college is hiring for a part time adult instructor. FUll time and I would so be there, but when my IVF works, I have to have health insurance. They need to be hiring an English instructor. That would make life so great. Then I could work 3 days a week and still be full time. AHHHHH!!! I can think of so many things. I have coffee now and I am better .

I wish we only worked four days a week...

Despite the fact that I can't breathe, and I have tried to cough up all of my internal organs, I am in a pretty good mood. It is almost Friday, which means that in two days our counters start going in and we get to move soon. I have SOOOOO much to do. But I have to go to boring basket ball for the next three nights. I hate it, it is pointless. If I had to go to wrestling I would me happy, but seriously who wants to watch guys try to get a ball in a hole, isn't it supposed to be a stick in a hole? Maybe the cold medicine is making me nuts...No AF bitch. I was supposed to start BCP today, but no.. I have decided that I am addicted to buying HPT's and peeing on them. In a vain attempt to make her come when I want her to, I have peed on things, had wild BD with my hubby (very willing to cooperate), wore khaki pants, white undies, and left all tampons, pads etc in my car. NOTHING IS HELPING!!!! SO I give up.

I get to move this weekend!!!

Wahoo!!! I am so excited. We finally get to move. Derrick talked to Johnny yesterday and we decided to have jackass put in the counters this weekend, but JOhnny is going to be there the entire time watching him. Derrick is going to finish the shower grout and we will move boxes over throughout the weekend, and all the big stuff Monday. There is no school Monday, so I have all day to unpack and set up stuff!!! I am so happy. Other than that, I am sick. I am at work because I have just enough sick days to do my IVF and that is it. I have a dr. appointment this afternoon with my PCP. I need to see him anyway and update him on all of the IVF stuff. I am afraid I have pneumonia. I can't breathe my head is stuffed, my lungs have yucky in them, and I cough up a storm. I hate being sick. Derrick said last night he feels icky too. I am going to get my hair cut and nails done after the dr. tonight. Then I am going to go home and pack some more stuff. Or I might just go to sleep. I have to wait for Derrick to take me home though. Getting to our house is damn near impossible right now. The ruts are so deep and there is a sink hole from the melting snow. It is supposed to stay below freezing until next week, so maybe the ground will absorb some. I am SOOOO ready for summer. AF is not here yet, and she better hurry up or she is going to screw up my plan. I have some days off in March and I need to be able to do my ER then. I am fine with her staying away if I am pg, but I doubt it. Oh well.

One more

Two in one day. It must be a miracle. I am sitting here at my desk eating lunch, almost in tears. I want to go home. I hate that I feel this way. I know that I should not let things get to me like this. Especially high school kids. Damnit. I have practice after school and then I am going home and going to bed. Derrick can play cards tonight if he wants to, but I am going home. I won't be home Friday night, so I want to curl up with my kitty and cry. I hate feeling this way. It sucks. AF is supposed to be here sometime this weekend or early next week. The sooner the better. As soon as she gets here my mood usually gets better. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. I think everything is piling up on me at once. It is like if one thing goes wrong so does everything else. I feel like I am drowning in PMS. I am going to take more pictures of the house tonight, with my appliances and will post them in the am. Maybe if I write more I will feel better.

So pissed...This week sucks

So I have decided that this week officially sucks big time. Not only do I have severe PMS but no AF, everything else is going wrong. Let's start with work... I hate watching a co-workers pregnant tummy swell. I am tired of the way that kids treat us, it sucks. Then on my way home last night Derrick calls and tell me that our counters are not going in this week. He then tells me that when he called the counter guy, they guy cussed him out and yelled at him. Alright, that is just uncalled for. After I get home Derrick calls him back and puts him on speakerphone. This guy calls Derrick a "mother fucker" and "snot nosed little prick" and is YELLING the entire time. VERY RUDE!! After he hangs up, I call him. I was very calm but firm, and it was awful. I tell him that it is bad business to treat customers that way and We own 3 business and we have never spoken to a customer that way. He told me to come and get my shit out of his shop. He told us we would be in our house by superbowl, 5 weeks ago. I talked to the guy we bought the materials from and he is going to talk to him. I did not like the guy from the minute he walked into my house. It has taken all of my restraint to not rip him a new one. I want my material, Derrick thinks the guy ruined them last night, and I am going to have someone else do it. I don't want the asshole in my house. To top it all of he was drunk appearantly when he was talking to us. That means that he was drinking at 12:30 in the afternoon. No wonder he can't get anything fucking done. Then this morning, I am driving to school and get pulled over. I got a warning, and I have to find my insurance card. NOT MY WEEK. On the up side my appliances are in and they look awesome. I am so excited, but no counters. Everything else will be done today, counters, tile around the tub, and backsplash have to wait and we can't move in. THIS SUCKS!!!! AF needs to get here so I can stop being bitchy, teary eyed, and everything else. I am going home after work and doing laundry and going to bed.