Not friends with my crock pot

SO I don't love the crock pot anymore. Derrick called last night when I was on my way home, and it went crazy. It was either set wrong or I don't know and the roast was dry and well done. The doggies had a good dinner and we had tuna helper. Boring. I let him give me my lupron too. OMG. How funny. I got it all ready and he decided that he wanted to do it. I ended up in the corner of the kitchen to get my shot, laughing. Of course I told him it hurt worse than when I do it, but it didn't. HEHE. He feels like a bystander and like all I need him for is his spermies. Well true, but I need him for more than that. He also decided last night to be a bed hog. I woke up almost on the floor. Silly boy. The freightshaker is out of the shop. Fantastic, and he started working again. Even more fantastic. It makes me so happy that he is doing something. He was about bored to death. Then he gets cranky. ADHD anyone? We don't have school Thursday and Friday this week. I do have a date with the "love wand" (thanks Wendy!!!) at 8:00 in the damn morning on Thursday. Well, good morning to you too. To make it better. My ultrasound tech is the mother of three of my students. One of them has graduated, and I have the other two now. It is a good thing that I love them. Otherwise it could be really awkward. Then bright and early Friday morning Derrick gets to be involved by poking me in the fanny with a needle. Ummmm....that one I am scared to death of. Getting over my fear enough to give myself a shot is one thing. That needle is little. The needle for the repronex is not so little. I am petrified. I know that is going to make it worse. I have had IM shots many times. Everytime I get sick and can't stop throwing up I have to have one. I hate it. The last one was after my shoulder surgery. Then my mom (who is a nurse) tells me to make sure he doesn't hit some nerve. I got light headed at the RE's office when they were teaching us how to do this. I know I am a tough chick and I know this is stupid fear, but it is real. I guess that I am going to get over it in a hurry though. Everyone always told me when you get pregnant you get over being afraid of needles. No one ever told me that getting pregnant would be when I got over my fear. I better get to work since I am going to be gone soon. I have to get ready for a sub, which is 10 times more work than being here. I hate having subs. It makes me crazy.

So I have been thinking

I know dangerous. I am afraid to be in my own head sometimes. But Wendy got me thinking. It is good though. I write everyday, more than once a day. I have been thinking about it since last summer. I love to write. I love to write everything. It can suck, and does right now since I have to do it for a grade and I feel pressured. In general I love it. I know I am not quite ready to give up teaching, but I bet after having a baby, that all changes. I also know that writing can be very up and down. Everyone thinks you will make a ton of money, which just isn't the truth. The percent the author makes actually kinda sucks. But that is not the sole reason to write. I want to do something that will enable me to be at home with my babies. Not that I have these babies yet, but I will and soon. Derrick got his dream of farming with Grandpa, why shouldn't I get mine? So what I am thinking is this, I finish my papers and submit them to different journals. I know journals are super picky, but it can't hurt anything. I have some of the best profs in their fields. Then I get my rear in gear and write my first book. I have ideas an rambling down already. I am writing about the Iraq war. I know it has been done, but not like this. I have had two brothers there for 2 1/2 years and one of my best friends. So....I am going to write from a sister's point of view and see where it goes. I got the idea from Edith Wharton. I hated the book, but just cause it was from a man's POV and it was not written the best. What do I know though, I am a lowly grad student. Anyway, HUGE thanks to Wendy for planting seeds in my lil' head.

I also need to vent badly. So I was a birthday party this weekend. My friends sister is PG, not married, guy is a LOSER! Her family suck, and it is amazing they have turned out half as normal as they are. So I find out that the sister has yet to quit totally smoking. I am fine with smokers, but you should not smoke when you are pg. I know this was a oops and all, but give the kid shot. She is also the one that wants my name. We don't see her that often so it doesn't matter. Then I got to thinking about some other things and they made me mad. Easily done with the hormones in my little bod. There is another couple, he used to be a very good friend, and now I think he is dumber than a box of rocks. They had two babies (took both of my names) got married then she LEFT and left her kids 2 months later. I was a good friend and she stopped talking to me. So five months later she comes back and expects everything to be peachy, well come to find out she is pg. Then he kicks her out, cause he is not sure it is his (she is a big fat whore). Three weeks later she is convieniently not pg anymore. HMMMMM..... They stay split up until two weeks ago. She moved back in and is playing fantastic mom. When she was there she never took very good care of them. They were always wet and things. Anyway, I have every right to hate her. I went out of my way to be her friend and she shit on me over and over. She made stuff up about my other friends and tried to turn us against each other. She did a good job until we figured it out and started talking to each other. So I think he is a dumb ass for taking her back and she is worthless for leaving her kids. I have every right to feel this way. Any woman does, but IF women especially. So Derrick told me I have to be nice. Polite, just because I will not ruin my name simply because she is a dumbass. Anyway, I am annoyed at the whole thing. I am sure that when she sees me she is going to try to talk to me. SInce I am super hormonal, that might not be such a fantastic idea. I would have died laughing if she would have shown up Saturday. Derrick thought it would have been funny if they would have come bowling with us all on Sunday. I think that it would have been bad. Me, Dez together, and Tash, we all hate her. She shit on all of us. Nothing like throwing her to the snakes. LOL. Anyway just had to get that off my chest. I don't understand how she can do that when all I want is to have babies. On the up side, I still look good and she looks like a crack whore hood rat. Oh wait, she is! I feel better.

I have decided that I am going to start eating like I am pg. SInce I am gonna be soon anyway ( I am being optimistic so it happens). That way my body is all adjusted to eating better. I put a yummy italian roast in the crock pot for supper. I love the crock pot. I have stuff to do at lunch so I will be here!!!

Monday, I hate Monday's. I never want to get out of bed. At least we have two days off this week. I was supposed to leave for Denver on Tuesday night, but my body sucks and I have to wait a week. Derrick is home in bed, and I want to be there too. We got up early yesterday and made breakfast, I wish we would have stayed in bed and then got up at 12:00 and made breakfast. Then we went bowling. It was fun. I am to tired to think right now. We are almost done with tryouts. I am wish I would have brought my laptop with me so I could get some things done while they are practicing. Oh well I will live. be back later.

After school I have to get a birthday present for a 3 year old. I have no idea what to get her. I can't call my friend and ask, cause I forgot my damn phone. GRRRRRR. It is about the time of day that I start feeling funny. Tomorrow is the last day of BCP bit I keep poking myself with lupron. It is not near as bad as I thought it was going to be. I really want to go home and go out to dinner with Derrick tonight. I have tryouts though. I hate them, they make me feel bad for the girls that don't get it. I am going to call him and see what the plan is from the school phone. I am really wishing that I had given myself tonight off. I will be home by 8:30, but I want to go there now. I want to have a date night that is a little romantic before I leave for Denver on the 14th. Pretty sure there will be no nookie from then till my beta, and when it is + until my first us. OH LORD. That could suck. Derrick still feels yucky, so I hope I can con him into nookie. I couldn't last night. I tried. Silly boy. I am not sure if my body is adjusting to the lupron or what, but today has been much better. Which is good. Yesterday afternoon, I could have heated every room in the building. LOL. Almost time to go!!!

Friday is here!!!

Friday is finally here. Yay! That means that I can sleep in tomorrow. I forgot my stupid cell phone on the counter today. That pisses me off. I feel like I am lost without it. GRRRRR. I bet I will live though. Derrick is still sick. I feel bad for him. But since he won't take any cold medicine or allergy medicine, he can't complain. I am going to try to talk him into staying at home tonight and watching movies and making dinner. I bet it doesn't happen, but I can try. The transmission in the Ford went out yesterday. It seems like we can't win right now. That is going to be high dollar. Then I want to get rid of it. Get something newer. I am tired of being broke and paying bills that are sky high. I hate writing checks to the dr, and the truck clinic people. It annoys me. I guess the guy that borrowed the semi and was driving it when the differential blew is going to pay for half of it. He should pay for all of it, but Derrick is too nice. I am ebaying a bunch of stuff this weekend to get it out of the house, because we dont' need it or use it, and we need the money. Maybe since all of these things that are happening are God's way of testing us before IVF. If that works I won't care about everything else. That will make me happier than anything.

It is strange how one thing can take over your life so completly. I never thought about it much before, but now I find it odd. I am going to finish my paper for Magical Realism this weekend. I have 1 1/2 pgs left and then I will turn it in. If she likes it I am going to submit it to a couple of journals and see what happens. I have another one to revise from a few years ago that I want to submit too, but I need to finish the ones that were for last summer. I started to read Little Women and I fell asleep. I am not sure if it was because I was exhausted or because I was bored. I am hoping it was because I was tired. I think I will write my paper on that book this summer. I know I am a huge geek. I am one of those book worm writers that everyone makes fun of. But I love both. Writing is so awesome and theraputic. Even if you never make any money from it, it helps me keep my thoughts in order and helps let out my feelings and pain. It also lets out my happiness and provides something for me to look back on. Kinda cool.

HOT FLASHES

Hot flashes, hot flashes...my mom says power surges. OMG! This sucks. I get hot easily anyway, and this is for the birds. Derrick is home sick. He has a nasty cold and his throat hurts. He is on antibiotics to make sure that he doesn't have an infection when we do IVF, so he doesn't have an infection, just allergies or a cold. He slept till 12 and he only does that when he has a hangover. Then he stayed on the couch til 2:00. I bet it is his allergies are acting up because he has been at the feedlots so much lately. Anyway, I am getting ready for cheerleading tryouts to start tonight. I cannot wait to be done. I am so glad that tomorrow is Friday. I am ready for the weekend. It is time. I ordered baby shower invites today. I know I am torturing myself. I claimed this shower as soon as I found out she was pregnant. I didn't get to throw her bridal shower, a very stuck up snobby girl did. I lived to far away for me to be her maid of honor. So I wanted to do this one. Melissa, the snobby girl, wants to help but I don't want her help. She made me feel like I was poor and couldn't do anything along with the rest of the bridesmaids at that shower. I don't want this shower to be that way. I want it to be fun. My bridal shower that Kimmy threw me was so much fun. I want her baby shower to be like that. Not all houghty toity. That is not us. We were and still are the girls that peed in the woods when we went camping, drove down the interstate with our bras out the window, and laughed until we could not breathe at nothing at all. We have been friends since the first day of 6th grade in art. That is like 16 years. So I am excited to do this for her. And it will be the 31st of March which is 4 days before my beta. So I will be PUPO. I know I am going to have to field the "when are you going to have a baby" question, but I can handle it. I am just going to say when it happens and change the subject back to Kimmy. Alright, I am going to get everything ready for my tryout meeting. I get to give my speech about drinking, drugs, and getting around. I love it.

Good day!!!

I feel like someone disconnected my brain from my body. Pretty sure lupron sucks. I knew that, but whoa. I had the worst hot flash of my life the last two nights. I am freezing most of the time now, but about 2 in the morning, I am dying of heat. DH just laughs at me. I don't think it is very damn funny. Oh well. Yesterday was pretty good. I had one kiddo final, she got 6th. I was very happy. I took a nap on the bus because of the dumb headache I had. The night before I had a little breakdown about giving myself a shot. I got it done, but it took awhile. It doesn't hurt, just wierd. Derrick is sick. He has a nasty head cold which makes him snore like there is no tomorrow. OMG I could hear him and he was on the couch kinda sitting up. I had the door kinda closed and the TV was on. Then he came to bed, not good. He also has the poops. Poor guy, I had them Sunday, and he has them. He was so mad yesterday. I hate both colds and the poops, but together, I feel bad for him. I made him eat yogurt, which he hates, but we were out of the runs medicine. Pretty sure that my students were terrible yesterday. Not all of them, but the few that are normally naughty. It makes me worry about leaving for IVF. Which makes me mad. I was in a great mood until I read the sub notes. I am still happy (I love my 1st period they are awesome). Cheerleading tryouts start tonight. We have two days this week, three next week, and then I will be here for two the next week. That makes me happy. I have to order invites to my best friends baby shower. I know I am nuts, but I am still going to throw it for her. She is awesome and so supportive. I could not ask for a better friend.