Tail spins all over....

Let me start with mine. I interviewed for a middle school English and reading job three weeks ago. This job is where I live, so I would drive 16 miles a day instead of 110. I don't feel good about the interview, I think I am too liberal for the district. Actually I know I am. I push the limits of what is acceptable and not. I have shown RENT for four years for goodness sake, and if you have seen it you know why it could get me into trouble. Yes, I cover my ass with permission slips, but still. I also show Schindler's List to my German 2. I always forget the naughty scene, and fast forward just makes it speed up...oops. Did I mention that I am not too fond of middle school kids? They are icky. I love high school. Anyway, I am pretty sure I didn't get it. So I called my admin yesterday to tell him I am not coming back the rest of this year, but plan on me next. He asked if I got the job. Then he told me everything that she said, and she was concerned about me describing my classroom as organized chaos. He told me he didn't think it was, because we were always learning. Even if we were totally off task, which happens alot, we were learning. He did say she was pretty wishy washy when she talked to him, and he was not impressed. I had that feeling too. But to hear him say that is a big thing. So we talked about next year and we are getting rid of speech, no one signed up, most likely someone else is going to teach Drama (YAY!!!) and we need to discuss getting rid of German (YAY) and I would be teaching English. Which is what I have been asking for. Right now he has me teaching 2 German classes, and 4 English. Oh and the English is most likely going to be Juniors. Which means American Lit. Right on. I love this. My mind is already turning...Anyway, that makes my decision hard. I love my job and I love my kids there. But I drive 2 hours a day. They pay well and pay all of our insurance for the whole family. And then the plot thickens. On Tuesday I applied for a job at the CC teaching English. Comp mostly, which is great, but I am not a real big comp person, I am a lit person by nature. I like to write, well I love it, but I have never taught it. Oh and I have a interview in Oakley for HS English. I have lots of thinking to do.



The other tail spin at our house involves both of us. Derrick bit the bullet after hem hawing around for a fricking week and bought the two Peterbuilts from Sam. Sam paid $75,000 for each and we are paying him $100,000 for both. Fuck yeah. So we now own two 2003 flat top Pete's. Beautiful trucks. I know I am a loser. On one we put a Dry van that Derrick rented yesterday. The other we are talking about putting our hopper bottom on, our step deck, and buying a new spread hopper for the freightliner. Well that was the plan, more to come. Derrick is going to drive the White one all summer and by the end of the summer it should be paid for. I asked him, joking, if I could quit my job and work for him full time, and he said it was coming to that. What??? I was kidding. So in the decision to go back, he wants me home to dispatch him and the other drivers. Fantastic. So I am now, mommy, housekeeper, paperwork and books bitch, dispatch, oh and finishing my master's. I have more hats than a damn clown. I did tell him if this is what we were going to do, I wanted Liz (my youngest SIL) here all summer. She has been begging her parents, and I got the yes last night. She is going to work part time in the nursing home in Hoxie and help me. Oh and be my personal chef. So yesterday the plan was for me to run the business and him to drive. I would have three drivers, and shit going all over. Then this morning, I had just given the kids a bath and the guy that drives the freightshaker called and it blew up. Oil was running outta the engine. Turns out it was just the turbo, so like a grand to fix it. We were late to pictures, had fussy kids, but got some good ones. I still haven't heard from the place I interviewed. Three weeks, it is pissing me off.

Company overload

For having help all week, I am ready to be just us again. I love my inlaws, I am just getting tired of having my house in an uproar and everything is a mess. I don't do messes very well. Oh and brainiac Derrick gave his parents our room. Which I am tired of. They could have stayed downstairs with Karen's parents. That was my vote. Instead my whole house is consumed with company. My kitchen is a disaster, my living room and everywhere else. GRRRR....My parents and aunt are going to be here sometime tomorrow.

On the down side, I am pretty sure I am drying up. I keep getting smaller and smaller amounts when I pump. It makes me sad, cause as they are getting bigger they are feeding better. I wanted to be able to do that. I know formula is fine, I was a formula baby. I am also tired of trying every formula out there and tired of having people say soy is the way to go. They are on lactose free formula that is for sensitive tummies. I think switching is too much for them. So instead we are going to go to mostly formula and hope my milk lasts another two weeks.

I better go get burgers made...I might go to bed early tonight.

Busy week...

What a week. Sunday some of Derrick's family came out to see the babies. Which is fine, but the aftermath on Sunday night, all night, was not worth it. I know premies get easily overstimed, and boy is that true. So we are going to limit the number of different people holding them for awhile. And there are few people that get to feed them. It was a long night to say the least. Actually we have had a few of those. Mylicon helps with the gas, but they are still really fussy at times. I feel so bad when they arch and crunch up in a ball and I can't do anything for them. We are supposed to have a family thing tomorrow, and I am not sure I am going to take them down there. I might just stay up here with them and if people want to see them they can come up here and look, but not touch. Derrick's parents and sisters are going to be here all week so that will help out. I can take a nap during the day and really sleep. The kids see the pedi Monday and I have a whole list of questions. Last night was another long night and Derrick was awake for thisone. He has slept through a few of them. I cannot imagine going back to work if they are going to be this fussy all night long. It is going to make for a tired and rather bitchy Mrs. J.



Daddy got out of the hospital last night. He got hit with a pole on Wednesday. They were pulling one that was rotten and it broke and whacked him in the back shoulder head area. He broke some ribs, punctured a lung, and got a laceration. He had his hard hat on which probably saved him and they way the pole smacked him was better than how it could have been. He was pissed about the chest tube they put in for the pneumo and bitched about the breathing thing. I told him he sounded like Gram. She bitched about it too, and we all told her to suck it up and do it. He told me she said he could bitch. Whatever. He is home and doing better. He is still sore, and is on light duty/desk duty for awhile. Which he hates, but tough shit. It could have been so much worse. I thought we were done with hospitals. My family has spent WAY to much time in hospitals for awhile. Between Gram, Grandpa, me, and the babies, now Daddy....we should be done with them.

I better go and get my floors mopped before people get here. My parents, Aunt Schar and cousin are coming next weekend for Easter. I am excited. I love Derrick's family, but I love mine too. They are way fun. I think Mom is bringing a honey baked ham and we are going to have a brunch on Easter since we have to do Church on Saturday night. I love honey baked ham...and Dianne won't be here to bitch about it!

They are here, and I know I suck...

Last I left I was still pregnant and still in Kansas. I went home while Derrick was in Vegas and had to see the Peri...and my sorry ass got landed in the hospital for four days. My cervix was super short, under a cm and I was contracting more than I thought. So needless to say I spent four days in the hospital under a close watch and we messed with my meds. My body hate terb. It makes me crazy. Upon release I had to stay in Colorado with my mom and be on much stricter bedrest. I became great friends with the couch at my mom's house. Derrick came out on the weekends and on Valentines. I saw the OB the Monday after V-day and he thought a week to 10 days. Well...needless to say that is what our plan was, not theirs. Thursday night the 21st, my water broke. It was the strangest feeling...I thought I peed my pants since I had sneezed at the same time, but when I stood up stuff came out. It was gross. It kept coming so I called and headed to Denver. I called Derrick since of course he was in Kansas. He was playing cards and he had Grandpa drive him out. It was a bad night for him before I called, and he freaked out when I called. I got to the hospital at about 11 or so, after Dad went the wrong way down a one way...and they got me all in there and sure as shit my water had broken and actually both bags were broken. By that time I was not comfy but hung in there until 3 am when I got my epidural...seriously that is the way to go. It is what I was most afraid of and it was fairly easy. They thought I was complete at 3:45 and no hubby. He got there at 4:30ish and they had me start pushing at 6...which in retrospect we shouldn't have. I pushed for 2 and a half hours and nothing. So we decided to help me out with some foreceps... In the OR the OB discovered that I wasn't really complete, stupid nurse, and he had to make me complete...ouch. Yes even with an epidural that sucked. Macie Joleen was born at 9:01. She had the cord around her neck twice and her daddy almost passed out on me. He got all cold and sweaty and his hands went tingly. Layne Gerald was born at 9:15 with the help of the vacum and foreceps. Derrick got to cut his cord, kiss me and they went off to the NICU while I got sewn up. They gave me cytotec for something and what I remember from there on out is fuzzy. I reacted to it and got shocky. My HR went way down so did my O2 and I shook. They actually thought I had a bleed, and I did a little one. I remember getting more medicine in my epidural line and getting typed and crossed, I didn't get blood. Then I remember going back into surgery and waking up. Because I wasn't complete my cervix tore and had to be stiched and I had some tears in my vag walls. Needless to say I am stitched from here to there.

Derrick went with the babies to the Level 3 NICU and got my mom. Macie didn't need O2 or anything, but Layne was on a CPAP for about 12 hours. They both had IV's and were in isolete's, or as Daddy called them cages. I didn't get to see them until after 4 on my way up to post partum. They then got moved up to the Graduate NICU or level 2 about 8ish. We couldn't touch them or hold them though...that was so hard. His parents got there about 9 I think and we went down to see them. We did get to hold them the next morning. That evening they started bottle feeding and have kept right on going. They spent two days under bili lights and then came out of the cage on Wednesday after they were born and we got to take them home a week after they were born. We have been home over a week and it is amazing. I love being a mommy. I am pooped but it is totally worth every second. Even when they pee on you.

A very eventful yet shitty day.

I started today knowing that the outcome with Grandpa was going to be crappy, and I was right. He passed quietly about 2:30, which just dawned on me is the same time Gram died. Hmmm. We have known for 10 years that he was failing. The broken hip was the final straw. He is at peace and I know that. Just before Dad called to tell me the Dr. called. Today was my regualr appt, and I thought it went alright. My cervix has shortened to 2.5 from 3.5-4.1cm. Not so good. I have also had a few more contractions. Anyway we get all the way home and I have to go back to be put on the monitor. Fun. My contractions are 8-15 minutes apart, and if they get more than 5-6 an hour I have to call back. THe on call doc will decide then to hospitalize me or what. At this point I am glad to be home and not on a helicopter or in the hospital. I have to see the peri on Tuesday, so Mom is going to take me. Great. I love her, but info in her hands in dangerous. My MIL called frantic, I guess she called out here and Rose gave her what info was available, and it was bad...we are fine. Promise.

On the good side, our stroller came today, a gift from a friend, and a play mat from Derrick's sister. My shower is still on for Saturday...with me in a recliner. Fun huh...then I am off to Mom's. I get to see the dentist and the peri all in one day, how exciting. I am off to lay down. Derrick bought me Guitar Hero today, so I might play. Then I can kick his ass!

Not really sure how to respond to this one....

As I have said before my family is crazy. Sometimes not in a good way. This particular branch of my family (my uncle and his two daughters) are rather selfish, Sara is much better than Kim, but still. Anyway, both of my cousins have kids, Sara has a 3 year old and Kim has a 20 month old and 6 month old twins. Yeah she couldn't figure out the BC thing and obviously got the working ovaries. Anyway...Both of them have husbands that are fairly worthless. Kim's is not quite as worthless, but almost. When we were being tested and going through everything last year, Sara was really pretty sweet about it and fairly supportive. Kim, just acted like I was a mutant and had the plague and she might catch it. Not sure if it was the IF thing or her personal jealousy of things outside of the ability to have babies. Anyway she has been very bitter towards me for reasons unknown, take that back, I know...I am the oldest and always get everything I want and am totally spoiled. Okay first, obviously I don't always get what I want since I certainly did not want to be infertile. Some of the things I get are simply because I work my ass off for them. Like my education, my job, a nice home...it goes on. At some point after my wedding (which she was in) she stopped talking to me, unless it was a holiday and had to. Which sucked because we used to be pretty close. The last two years of her being pg and me not have probably taken a huge toll on our relationship. I am willing to admit that I had a very hard time with that whole thing. For a long time neither one of them were working. I have not clue one how they were doing it, but they were. I am not sure Shane went back to work until they found out about the girls. But again, she was not speaking to me so I don't know. I had a hard time with it...it happens. Actually most of my family has a hard time with the fact that they are both fairly lazy and he doesn't do a good job of taking care of her or the kids. We are fiercly protective like that. The other thing I had a hard time with was the letter she wrote to Gram. The letter was terrible, and blamed everyone, including my Gram, for everything that was wrong in her life. I saw it. Gram and I really didn't have secrets...one of the many benefits of spending so much time with her. I was pissed. That pretty much sealed the deal on ever having a relationship again. But because I am trying to be the bigger person, and my mom threatened me, I am trying. Her kids are adorable. I promise all of this rambling has a point and I am going somewhere. She told my mom awhile ago that she had all of these tips to help me out, and I am sure that she does. I know she really wants to be the expert on something, and she thinks this is it. I am going to let her think that. Like I told my mom and Derrick, this is not my first rodeo being around twins, and it is certainly not my mom's...my big questions are going to go to her. I think she did a fantastic job with the boys, and I was old enough to remember a good part of it. Anyway, I get an email this morning from my cousin. She has not really spoken to me since my wedding, except for a little last Christmas and some at Grams funeral. Here it is...

Hey there Dana,

How's things going for you? Good I hope. I'm sorry you're on bed rest. That has to be the worst thing in the world. I'd give you a call, but the kids are keeping me so busy right now, I'm lucky if I get to shower every other day. Gross I know, but by the time bedtime rolls around for the girls (11 o'clock) I'm so tired I don't care to shower. (It's 11:22 pm right now). I told your mom about a couple books that have been life savers for me. If you want I can get you the titles and authors and what not. I've got all kinds of hints and tips and tricks that have helped me out, I just don't know how much help you want. Let me know.
I do want to let you know a couple important things though. First, you will not get much sleep the first month, it might be hard to keep a temper down, especially when you can't get the kids to stop crying, if you feel that your temper is going to boil over, leave them in their cribs/bassinettes, whatever, leave them safe for a few and go and cool off. Trust me, most of the time you'll be able to handle 12 straight hours of crying (hopefully that won't happen..) but there might be an odd day or two in there that you won't be able to handle ANYTHING. If you can recognize that your day is not going to be a good one, get help, you will so appreciate even an hour of someone watching your kids so you can have a nap. And do for the first month, nap when they do, let the house get dirty, you will need your sleep.
The most important thing though is to cuddle and spend as much time with them the first 6 months as you can, because once they start moving and wanting to be playing on the floor, they tend to be like cats, they want attention when they want it, not when you want to give it. They will grow up fast, the months will fly by with you being so busy. Take lots of pictures and video of them, they do really change every day. Record everything that you can. It will be worth it!!
Anyways, those are the two biggest things I wish someone would have told me!! Parenthood is a cinch, don't let anyone tell you differently, or scare you. Twins are not harder than having one baby, they just take a little more of your time. You will love being a mom. I do!! NOTHING in the whole world is better, or more fun!!
I'll try to write again as soon as I can. Sooner than later.
Love you lots and hope to hear from you soon.

Kim

Now, I totally understand thatt she is trying with me, and I should try back...but I am just not sure I am ready for it. I have taken a pretty good beating over the years for things that are not my fault but end up being seen that way. Most of me was totally shocked that I even got this. Derrick told me to ask her if she had figured out how to work and raise a family, or her husband had. He is totally not a fan...at family stuff it is him that hangs out with my family and is totally part of it, and the other two husbands that are not, or just don't come. Derrick is not always there, but he is there for me when I need him, and if he is not there, it is because he is working, new concept to some. I am not scared of being a mom or being a mom to twins, that is Derrick he is the one that has moments of sheer terror about having two at once. His friends do not help. This is just my vent...I have to try. I do think it would be cool for our babies to know each other, they are not going to be that far apart. I also know that my Gram would want it that way. I guess part of this is that I still have a hard time with people that are super fertile...I always will. I know it is petty, but hey it happens. I just have to stop being bitter at her for being fertile and for the things that she has said about me, but never to me...

Seriously, hospitals should be on time...

Do they not know that waiting for news is awful...20 minutes feels like hours. I slept like crap last night. Partly cause Derrick was snoring and I could hear him from the couch and partly nerves. Grandpa went in at 8 this morning to have his hip fixed. I thought mom would have called by at least 12 my time, I finallly called her at 2. He did alright through the surgery and was awake. They did have a hard time waking him up, but he should be back in his room. He didn't end up in ICU, a possibility I was totally prepared for. They did tell them before surgery that if he starts to crash, he is a no code and under no circumstances is to be put on a vent. That was not an issue. Mom said he is pretty out of it. So now we get through this and keep going. He is a tough old fart and I am hoping that he has plenty of fight left. From the way Mom sounded he does. I will feel better when I see him and know. Talking on the phone is so hard for him considering his respitory status...talking is hard for him period. But she did say that since he was on the liquid morphine he was doing better. He has good days and bad...it happens. I feel better, but still very guarded about it. After my Granddad had surgery to fix his bowels two years ago, he was good for about 3 days. The difference here is that Granddad was tired of being in a chair and not being able to do anything...he was ready and gave up. Grandpa is not ready for that. Until the other day he lived alone, and did a fairly decent job of taking care of himself. I am ready for next weekend to be here and it to be Sunday so I can go home and see him. Of course I am looking forward to my shower, I am just ready to be with my family and stuff too.