MONDAY IS TOO CLOSE!!

So not even done with all my stuff from last summer and I am thinking of stuff for this summer. I am entirely sure I am going to be writing a paper on Hawthorne, one on sexist language and the history of it, and one on either Kate Chopin or Willa Cather. I know I have to do a case study of the Awakening. Which is totally fine because I love that novel. I have got to get at least one finished by Monday and some shit read. OMG my profs will kill me if I am unprepared. Undergrad I got away with it, but grad school....no way in hell.

On the other front, I am already tired of meds. The BCP make me wanna yak. I hate it. I don't remember this side effect when I was on it way back when. But a little over three more weeks. I start Lupron the day before Derrick's bday. Last time the day after I had a migraine. I actually slept in the bus for 2 hours at district speech. OMG I hope that doesn't happen this time. This is it for us, it better be. I am tired of being a pincushion. I shouldn't bitch, others have been through way more. I just never thought it would have to come to this. Okay I never wished. In the back of my mind I always knew that something was up. For shit's sake I had like 7 periods in all 4 years of high school. I still only have like 7 or 8 a year now. My hormones were fucked up back then. Why did no one say, hmmm PCOS looks like a good possibility? Because they didn't want to take the time to test it. FUCK...Now I am 27, and I have one close friend, who I see like twice a year, without kids. Around here, they want to feel for me, but have no idea. We do have one friend that offered to be a surrogate. I cried. I can get pg, I just have to stay that way. No one should have to do this. It blows. I hate it. But in the end I will be stronger. We will be great parents. I know that. That is what keeps me going.