I. broken....

I don't know what to think, feel, say, or do. I just hurt and cry. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to stay pregnant and have a baby. Not lose it. It hasn't even started yet, so I am sure the day that AF shows I am going to be a basketcase. I am already. Dr. S called today and said we didn't have to wait. After my beta goes to 0 and I have one normal period I can do a FET. I guess I am going to have to pick myself up and keep going. I have no choices. I can turn inward, which is already happening. Derrick and I really haven't talked about it. I am kinda afraid to. We both know that we want to do the FET asap. I just don't want to feel this pain. It sucks. No one should have to go through this ever. This is bullshit and that is all there is.